


First stages of fear

by Ghelik



Series: Life after the Mountain [15]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Aftermath of Violence, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexual John Murphy, Emori keeping it cool, F/M, John Needs A Hug, Post-Mount Weather, Post-Season/Series 02, Unplanned Pregnancy, slight case of paranoia, unbetad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-24 06:56:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8361997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghelik/pseuds/Ghelik
Summary: Murphy would like it noted that this is not his fault.He had nothing to do with it. Well... Technically he did, since he was there doing things and stuff.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this prompt by a friend on tumblr  
> "imagine, Emori is pregnant 'because she is the only girl to have sex with someone without having an implant xD).. and Bellamy is happy for them but they are scared because of the end of the world and because the hate they will get: from Arkadian (because Murphy isn't very appreciated and because they will be scared to Emori).. and of course from grounders"  
> Sorry, I'll bring Bellamy in next time.

This is not his fault. He had nothing to do with the whole thing and it is most definitively not his fault. That has to be made clear.

 

Well… maybe he did have something to do with it. He had been there and had participated, after all. But it's not like he’d been desperate to do it. He usually just rolls with it because Emori likes it and it has become part of their dynamic. She – like the rest of these sex-crazed-horny people around him- likes it. And, ok, yes. It can be fun - sometimes – and he’s left boneless and content for a few minutes after – not that he really needs to do it, he knows quicker, more efficient ways of reaching a boneless and contented state. It is a way of making Emori laugh and cuddle – which is by far his favorite part of the whole endeavor, no matter how much he’ll deny it if anyone were to ask. He has a reputation to maintain after all.

 

But that’s beside the point, which is that he is royally screwed and it’s – for once – not his fault.

  
Now that that has been made clear, there is the delicate matter of what to do now? This presents a whole new set of problems he’d never even though about. But as a ‘reformed’ member of this society, he has to consider all the ramifications.

 

His first instinct is to flee. His position in Droptwo is not all that safe to begin with, and who knows what these people will do if he makes trouble. Their fearless leaders went after him once, but there’s no guarantee they’ll do the same if there is no power-play behind it.  
Bellamy would - maybe -, but Clarke has been the more calculating one of the two. She’ll see there’s nothing to gain from helping them and then…

 

"So this is where you’ve been hiding." Emori’s head appears suddenly next to him. She hauls herself onto the roof of Alpha Station where he’s lounging with the outward appearance of someone who doesn't have a care in the world.

The top of Alpha Station’s hull is one of the best spots to sunbathe in the whole of Arkadia. It’s high enough that you’re out of the way and hard to spot, that the noises of camp are dulled out. There are a few children running around Arkadia but none in Droptwo, because most of the delinquents still have their birth-control-implants.

 

Murphy tries for a smile. Her hair has been pulled back from her face and she's dressed in her soft wool tunic and pants. She doesn't wear the form-fitting corset anymore. If he presses his hands against her middle, he can feel the slight curve of her belly. In the sunlight, she's the most beautiful woman he has ever seem.

 

Emori's smile dulls a little.

 

"What is the matter?"

 

Murphy had been thinking how this was even possible. He should have had an implant, like everyone else. Then he remembered: boys were supposed to get them at twelve, but his mom never took him to medical and he was too young to care about it anyway. It had never been a problem because he didn’t sleep around like other boys did. He wasn’t interested in girls or boys or anyone, really. Not like that. He forgot.

 

Until it slapped him in the face because the universe hates him and will screw him over every chance it gets.

 

" _You’re worrying again,"_  she says in trig leaning back on her hands and throwing her head back to soak in the sun. " _There’s nothing to worry about."_

 

He snorts - because with his luck they’ll end up being chased out of Droptwo with only the clothes on his back - and lies his head on her lap for her to stroke his hair. He’s letting it grow back. It looks terrible, and keeps falling in his eyes, but he enjoys how Emori plays with it.

 

"I had a nightmare," he tells her when the heat and her ministrations have relaxed him enough, "they enforced blood must have blood and took it away."

 

Her hand stops combing through the uneven strands. Murphy doesn't turn to her, he’s staring at Arkadia beneath them. The view from up here is beautiful.

 

"Why would they do something like that?" and there’s wariness in her voice. Emori is used to being kicked out of places for being ‘a _frikdreina_ ’. She has told him she never thought she would ever find a partner or be able to build a family of her own. He knows it’s not only irrational fear on her part, either. It feels good being able to voice all this to someone that understands.

 

"Did I tell you about the time they tried to hang me?" he tries to keep his voice light but shudders when her hand instinctively falls to the scars around his throat. Those are not from the hanging, but they remind him of it nonetheless.

 

"Yes. They thought you had killed someone."

 

"Turns out a girl had done it. Her name was Charlotte."

 

Emori hums. It’s possible he has told her about the little girl, too.

"Yes, that’s why skaikru calls it Charlotte’s Cliff."

 

"Yep," he tries for nonchalance but falls short. "Bellamy and Clarke blame me for that."

 

"Why?"

 

"I wanted justice made. Maybe I rushed in. But she did kill Jaha Jr. She should have paid for it."

 

"It was a long time ago." He hums again. It might have been a long time ago, but he knows they still remember. "We could get rid of it. I could talk to Lincoln, I know he has herbs and knowledge to do it."

Murphy swallows, turning to face her. Her belly is right in front of his nose now and he can’t help giving it a quick peck. When he raises his eyes up, Emori’s face is twisted in a way he’s never seen before.

 

"Do you want to get rid of it?" he asks, unsure.

She shrugs with one shoulder. "What will we do if it’s like me?"

 

He barks a startled laugh. "Well, that’s what I am hoping for here!"

 

"I am serious, John."

 

"So am I."

 

That gets him an eye roll and a soft pull on the hair at the nape of his neck.

"I will…" the words get stuck on the back of his throat, and he has to swallow a few times in order to dislodge them. With a sigh he says."You're right. First, we should decide if we want to keep it. It makes no sense starting to plan anything before we decide that."

  
They are quiet for a while. He can’t help putting his hands on her belly, pressing softly until he finds the very, very small bump there. His heart hammers wildly against his ribs every time he does. And maybe he doesn’t care for sex and could happily live without it. But when he thinks that there is a person there, that _he, John Murphy,_ put it there, his eyes well up with tears.

 

"I want to have a family," says Emori without looking at him. "But I don’t want to… _burden_ a child with my…" she gestures awkwardly at her bad hand "…my blood."

 

"There are people there that think I shouldn’t procreate," he tells her tummy. "They think people like me should be eradicated." Her skin is warm against his fingers. He loves to nuzzle it, it’s so soft. There aren’t many soft things on the ground. Not that there were that many soft things in the Ark either. "I want to have a family, too."

 

It feels sort of wrong to say it. He’s still learning to be vulnerable around Emori, still trying to convince himself that she doesn’t mind when he burdens her with this sort of things.

  
"Do you want to keep it?" whispers Emori so softly he barely hears her. Her mismatched hands going instinctively to her belly and covering his.

 

"Yes."

She nods, still not looking at him.

 

"Me, too." She’s crying and Murphy doesn’t know what to do other than to draw small circles with his thumbs on her belly.

 

"I wouldn’t mind if it had three eyes and a tail," he whispers.

 

"What about a disfigured face?"

 

"Nope."

 

"Or three arms?"

 

"I draw the line on blue and with wings. I’d be too jealous if it could fly."

Emori sighs a soft laugh and he considers it a win. She squeezes his hands and leans back again, resting her weight on her bad hand while burying the other in his hair.

 

"So. What should we do? Do we stay here? We still have a few months before it comes, but… I don’t think we should wait all that long to make a decision."

 

He rolls on his back to stare at the sky.

 

"Do we do the pros and cons thing?"

 

"Ok. Pros of living here: we are part of the alliance. We are in a fortress. Our leaders are in very good terms with the Commander," she licks her lips. "It’s safe and there’s a regular food supply."

Murphy nods his head. He knows the pros are very tempting. But do they out weight the cons?

 

"Con: we live on the outskirts of skaikru society and our position is a delicate one."

 

She hums in agreement.

 

"Con: a child makes a load of noise," he swallows again and can’t look at Emori.

 

He remembers the time he fell and broke his wrist, how his mom kept yelling at him to suck it up and shut up. He knows there are people around camp that really don’t care for children. He’s been investigating. A noisy child might be dangerous. They could be kicked out for being in the way.

 

"I don’t think skaikru would turn a child away for crying. Would they?"

 

He shrugs. Truth is: he doesn’t know. Murphy doesn’t like not knowing things, doesn’t like to be in the dark about things that can affect his life. He knows Bellamy likes children, dots on the younger ones and carries them on his shoulders, even when all of them belong to arkadians and not the delinquents. Would that be enough, though?

 

"It would be wise to stay here. We have access to the food supplies and we know people that might help us." He bites the inside of his cheek. Emori continues, soft and reasonable. "Raven would help if I asked."

 

"And if worse comes to worst I think maybe Kane could be persuaded to shelter us in Arkadia for a while," even though Emori is a grounder, which might be a problem in Arkadia proper.

 

She bends down and kisses his brow.

"I think we can work with that."

 

"We should have a plan B."

 

"It would be our plan C, dummy," she sounds awfully fond.

 

"Maybe we could get the information about the boat people Lincoln knows. He keeps going on and on about how the boat people would be willing to give shelter to anyone who came in peace." Emori kisses his brow again.

 

"That can be our plan C. If we have to go, better do it with a destination in mind."

He looks her in the eye.

 

"Are you making fun of me?"

 

"I wouldn’t dream of it," she’s laughing now, and he pinches her thigh in retaliation, raising his head to kiss the laugh on her lips.

**Author's Note:**

> This was unbetad and written rather late. I appologize for it :P  
> Thanks as always for reading and commenting, you're the best.


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